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FAIR vs EQUAL

FAIR vs EQUAL

FAIR vs EQUAL

 

Whether you are a parent, a coach, a teacher or have some other role in childrens' lives ... one of the biggest challenges in helping them become successful is understanding the difference between "fair" and "equal."

 

Whether it's a reward or a consequence, what is successful for one child may not be what's successful for another.

 

EQUAL: everyone who deserves a reward gets a reward that makes them feel equally appreciated and everyone who deserves a consequence gets a consequence that makes them feel equally remorseful.

 

FAIR: the reward each person gets can be different based on what makes them feel equally appreciated and the consequence each person gets can be different based on what makes them feel equally remorseful and achieves the change you want.

 

As a consequence a time out or loss of privileges might work for one child, while a stern look might be all it takes for another child to change their behavior.

 

One child may feel rewarded by a walk to the park, while another child may prefer quite time reading a book with you.

 

If a person's behavior isn't changing, then we just haven't found the rewards and consequences that motivate that person.

 

For example, if a child is most strongly motivated by one of the following, then more is a reward and removing it is a consequence:

-screen time

-allowance/money

-trips to the zoo, arcade

-visiting the park

-play date

-words of praise

-stickers

-book/reading time

-special time with a parent/relative

"People continue doing what they've always been doing as long as it continues to get them the results they want."



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