FAIR vs EQUAL
Whether you are a parent, a coach, a teacher or have some other role in childrens' lives ... one of the biggest challenges in helping them become successful is understanding the difference between "fair" and "equal."
Whether it's a reward or a consequence, what is successful for one child may not be what's successful for another.
EQUAL: everyone who deserves a reward gets a reward that makes them feel equally appreciated and everyone who deserves a consequence gets a consequence that makes them feel equally remorseful.
FAIR: the reward each person gets can be different based on what makes them feel equally appreciated and the consequence each person gets can be different based on what makes them feel equally remorseful and achieves the change you want.
As a consequence a time out or loss of privileges might work for one child, while a stern look might be all it takes for another child to change their behavior.
One child may feel rewarded by a walk to the park, while another child may prefer quite time reading a book with you.
If a person's behavior isn't changing, then we just haven't found the rewards and consequences that motivate that person.
-trips to the zoo, arcade
-visiting the park
-words of praise
-special time with a parent/relative