1 “catch” them behaving well
We tend to notice and react when the kids are arguing, chores haven’t been done, they are late to wherever ...
...but how often do we notice and thank them for reading quietly, hanging out with sibs without arguing, being on time, finishing chores?
We get more of what we focus on, so set a goal of “catching” and thanking them for behaving the way you want them to for at least one week to start.
2 apply consequences without counting to 3 or giving warnings
Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.
If we “count to 3” (especially if we add in fractions to avoid saying “3” for whatever reason) and/or
if we give them several warnings before applying any consequences, they quickly learn exactly
how long and how many times they can get
away with misbehaving ...
Talk in advance about consequences, and then as soon as “not desired” behavior happens, calmly apply those consequences. And don’t let them suck you into an argument. Arguing with you = additional consequences.
3 the sibling “instigator” needs harsher consequences
Does this sound familiar?
Younger sibling provokes older sibling.
(pokes at them, goes in their room, breaks a toy, etc)
Older sibling yells at or hits younger sibling.
Younger sibling runs to parents crying.
Older sibling gets punished.
Yes, the older sibling (or whichever sibling gets provoked) should not yell at or strike siblings and SHOULD have a consequence for having that reaction ...
... but the sibling who started it and did the provoking (even if it’s the darling youngest child) should also have consequences AND ones that are more severe.
